THE BOTTOMLINE

I love money. I like to presume that everyone does… I like to kill time thinking about ways of making money. I like to presume that everyone does…although my ideas never seem to work, I have to much time to kill anyways. There are always some issues with feasibility, possibility or more often than naught outrageous imagination… however I did come up with a couple of good ideas for the Indian government to make money…

1. Legalize prostitution

Its not my idea and its been in thought about forever. However, all the people who like to close their eyes and pretend that its not happening have a stronger say than the ones who would actually like to do anything about it. I mean look at the opportunities that are hidden over here. Its like a booming market with a demand that is generally exceeding the supply. Now I am not sure how much money is there but I am sure there is enough for the income tax people to get some work and well some more money in the governments’ kitty!!!

2. Legalize corruption

Now this is my idea and it is actually an inspiration from the first idea. I feel it’s the same type of people who are involved in both the sectors. People who go to brothels are people who are needy, greedy and are never happy with what they get, so are the ones who pay up for corruption…See, corruption is  considered unethical and I’d say its equally unethical as prostitution and the same people who close their eyes to it do it here as well!!! And seriously I don’t need to talk about the opportunities over here, after the CWG and the recent 2G scam…. I think India’s fiscal deficit would go away even if the government legalizes corruption. With the transactions going into hundreds of crores and scams worth thousands of crores whatever tax from such income could help India develop better than how it is happening now!!!

See I have too much wella time at hand I keep thinking about such things and more often than naught I get carried away and I thought of how much employment these two seemingly similar industries could make. Imagine, Arindam Chaudhary (of IIPM) giving a seminar on corruption or starting courses on prostitution or corruption… I mean now you can let your imagination run wild and do the rest right???

Now what the government should understand what one of my favorite professor used to say “when rape is unavoidable then you better lay back and enjoy it….”

Keep smiling!!

once upon a time there used to exist a something called jounalism.....

and then i guess TRP became a hotter concept.....
for me i guess it started with all the reports of how delhi is unsafe a "specially for women". yes delhi isnt safe during the dark hours...yes the crime rate on women is also higher than it is in the other cities. but are you so demented to do fifteen rounds of one piece of news...making it sound like it happened fifteen times over!!!!
i couldnt help but smiling all throughout monsoon when yamuna was threatening delhi of floods...the heights of exaggeration were matched to the depth of the river...everytime water was released by the hathnikund damn, it was doomsday for delhi asking MCD to ready the noah's ark or a political move by the haryana government against the delhi government or a move to sabotage the common wealth games. i guess they were at a loss of creativity...they could have suggested making of artificial beaches or something....
the only piece of news i thot was good was abt delhi losing the opportunity to keep some 468 million cusec of water and how rain water harvesting can help ease delhi's water woes.....and no prizes how many times this was aired!!!!!
and well yes how can i leave out the cwg....you know i dont blame them much here...its compelling stuff....ppl are confused, they're not sure if the cwg costed 70,000 crores or 85,000 crores....i mean ure talking abt 15,000 crores here and there....this is good shit to be aired time and time again.....after spending money enough to make a township i want to know somethings....yes please tell me why the deadlines were not met, please tell me where all this money came from and where did it go....all these things did create a very anti cwg atmosphere....a factor on which todays media thrives on! but then to show a bathroom under construction and calling it dirty is a little too much...its under construction, obvly its dirty!!!then the govt trying to cover a drain with cwg hoarding....why does the media need to look behind them and click photos...the whole activity makes the effort useless and counter productive...its a drain, its supposed to carry the dirty stuff the way it does....the authorities wanted minimal visibility for such stuff....and you just go ahead and showcase it!!!
and then the same media...which has been creating a hysteria abt cwg, getting "expert" comments and reviews about how it ashamed the whole country is....the the same media is now marveling the opening ceremony...jai hind and jai ho and mera bharat mahan....somehow u begin to appreciate the credibility of even these phrases coming from a source so spineless and hollow!!!
there used to be a time when i used to enjoy news....and now its gossip every where...cant really make out the difference between a news channel and a colors or star plus....
i just look forward to the weather forecast!!!
anyways....keep smiling!

yaar cool toh sab hee hote hai....

but thoda conceptualization mein problem hoti hai
i havnt travelled as much as i wud have liked to i havnt met as many ppl as i wud have liked to either. but i like to observe wherever i go....
most recent being 2 girls in the metro (no m not being my usual sexist self) they were yapping, well nothing new, talking nonsense, nothing new again....but then:
girl A : have u seen a walk to remember????
girl B : oh yaa....tht movie made me cry so much (Anuj : rolling eyes).....yaaaa tht movie is the shit!!!
Anuj : haaii??cough cough!!!(wasnt my best cover up....how could it....come on!!!)
i mean if marilyn manson heard "this shit" m sure he'll take the biggest dump of his life and eat it up!!!!
and again....
girl A : whats with the weather???it was sunny in the morning....
girl B : oh yaaa....look at the clouds, they are so.....cloudy!!!(really????)
at this point of time u feel that u cant take this form of entertainment for more than 5 minutes!!!there are times i really appreciate my patience.....
then the last trip to chandigarh was pretty much fun too....in the same vein u kno.....i discovered how the monty culture came to delhi....u kno loud speakers...tinted glasses and a song with the heaviest bass...and its the accent that really brings out my smile....and thts one of my smiles i love, its so spontaneous and dripping of sarcasm....
then there is a lot which refuses to grow up....and m not talking about the lot who live their lives between their legs...this one time are the boys who still have a "back" and will call a crowd of 50 as a show of power...everytime tht happens ads of macho man and "ye toh bada tooiiing hai" start playing in my head!!!
chennai was not to be left far behind...i have a lot of respect for honda bikes....but when u see a fluorescent green bike with fluorescent "elloooww" wheels...u really dont bother abt the how could u and why would u.....
u kno at times i think ki ok dont be judgmental and i dont know the other person so yeah....
but when u see such things happening i just cant help if
so when u see a certain special something....its better u let it go.....tell ureself ure not up for it and do the ram dev things for ure peace of mind.... really love my sense of humor to see the funny side in these absurd and disturbing things...at the end of the day...keep smiling (undoubtedly the coolest thing ever!!!!)

happiness isnt happiness without a violen playing goat....

i could never understand what Anna wanted to say when she said...she was trying to explain a masterpiece from chagall....i never understand art in any form anyways....
but i love Anna... i mean who doesnt....so i wanna understand what she is saying...and so here is wt i think she meant to say....
you really dnt need a reason to be happy....its just how u want to be...it could well be a figment of your imagination. ok now i know it sound like lunatic behavior and i swear its not drug abuse :D

someone said ki ever since u came back from this holiday ure looking happier....it was a peaceful beautiful place yes but then i dont think so....i am happy and i have no reason for it and i dnt want a reason to explain my happiness either!!!i am happy because, as anuj would say, for existence....i am happy to have wonderful friends...i am happy that i am me and not a sorry sad person trying desperately to be someone he is not in an attempt to achieve his idea of explained and logically defined idea of happiness...
i smile at the world and it smiles at me....i am happy for that....i guess it is the most contagious thing ever...happiness..and yes, i am happy for it!!!!
keep smiling...

kya baat hai kya chees hai paisa!!

yeah...thts like my mom's fav song, specially on the days when i go to her asking for money....
i never realised when this sense of humour developed!!!
but i felt like singing this song during the induction and orientation program of this company i have joined as a summer intern. there were like 25 employees who had joined and were attending the program. it was a regular boring HR form filling marathon and then later a someone came from the finance to explain the pay slip and all the deductions....i thought this should be brief...everyone should know abt it, everyone was "experienced". but then....

1. if i join in the month of may when will i be charged for my transport?
and i was like wow thts a good question to start with....i thought the next question will be if i join in may then when will i get paid....i guess they were taking it easy on the finance lady...

2. do i need to produce the bills to claim reimbursements?
even the NGOs ask for it u idiot!!!this is a private fucking firm....

3.what is the upper limit to savings, insurance, reimbursement, food coupons,travel basically they want to know the upper limit to everything and there was this one person who thought that "upper limit" and "maximum" are two different things so everything was repeated twice which reached the upper limit of the finance persons patience and she had the WTF!!!! expression on her face. and u kno wt they choose the minimum plan for everything!!!

4.if we're off will we be charged for the cab service or conveyance....i mean how difficult can this question be...so ok no you will not be charged and an amt will be deducted on daily basis....so someone asks the calculation who comes by the cab from noida....some other smartie asks for the calculation cuz he takes the company bus....and there is another one who asks for the calculation cuz he takes a cab from delhi.....i mean srsly???

these guys are hired as business analysts....no wait....SENIOR business analysts!!!!they are supposed to analyze businesses and they cant fig out simple unitary method for each days traveling expenses!!!
all this time i was humming this song and imagining all these guys dancing arnd akshay kumar dressed like katrina kaif!!!!obviously i had a shitty day....

thou shalt not socialize

well yea facebook etc are all good and its pretty awesome to meet friends there and catch up with them. also tht u meet friends who u never met for the last 15yrs but then u stop meeting friends whom uve been meeting for the last 15 yrs too.....
i feel my ppl skills are deteriorating now....and i am moving towards being anti social.
i had this function in my society where this couple were throwing a party and i didnt know the occasion...thats ok i mean they were like my parents age so i really dnt need to kno and i have issues stating my residential address cuz its like i dnt really stay at one place u see so it doesnt matter.
so i unwillingly went, wore a black kurta and jeans and chappals thinking it will be a normal dinner or something so its cool....but then i guess i was wrong...in fact i am sure i was wrong....if your mother gives u a dirty look saying that u do not belong here then i think i can be sure!!!
well yes as usual i dint care it was all fine and i was far more comfy than the guys in shirts and suits...then i asked one of my friends over there tht what was the party all about and i get an enlightening answer "they are celebrating something..."and mind u there was no air of obviousness or tone suggesting so....i frowned and looked at the other friend he was smarter so said tht "yeah i guess so but i dnt kno wt..."i was like wht the hell r u guys here for!!!
no i dint say tht
i just said tht i came cuz mom wasnt cooking dinner and i dint wanna have maggi again....and they strted laffing like crazy and amidst all the guffawing "mee toooo...." and "same here"
then i got bored...so bored that i went to my dad!!!!(yes i was tht bored srsly)i asked him THE question again"why are we here?" he looked at me as if i am asking some soul searching divine question....he watches too much aastha etc u see...so i was like "no i mean chakkar kya hai???kiss baat ki party hai??"
then he told me the reason and i went and congratulated the uncle and aunty....
the food sucked bdw and i had to have maggi later in the night....
my friends got dressed and everything for a half an hr dinner and they dint even kno wht the occasion was....and i just went for dinner......i still cant figure out why the party was thrown
keep smiling!

missing winters already...

yeah its freakishly hot and its not even may yet....and i had a first winter in yrs!!real winter i mean
mumbai and chennai just dont count.....
during the winters i was missing the sun and i actually thot where the fuck is this global warming
and loo and behold...loo it is and tht too in april!!!!
i miss the fact tht butter melts super fast on my paranthas
i miss the semi solid ghee and lazy sunday mornings in the rajai and the paranthas...*drooooollll*
i miss my hot water baths...
i miss waking up to foggy mornings man and how the smoke or vapor or wtever it is tht comes out smoking from the mouth
i missed delhi for the winters and she gave me a good one
bike rides are not fun anymore...and my jackets are packed
but then everything has a bright side to it
cometh the summer cometh the beer
m gonna quote a someone here who touched my heart!!!lol

Our Lager, Which art in barrels, Hallowed be thy drink, Thy Will be drunk, At home as in the tavern, Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive us our spillages, As we forgive those who spill against us, And lead us not into incarceration, But deliver us from Hangovers, For thine is the beer, the bitter and the larger, Forever and ever Barmen!

keep smiling....